Hopes, Fears & Beta Readers

This week I finished editing Grand Theft Hero and have started approaching Beta readers. I wanted to share a few thoughts with you.

First off, I’ve been humbled by how positive people have been when asked. That was/is lovely. So thank you.

Second, when I finished the edit I was super excited* and very keen to send it off.

Third, when I had trouble with the formatting I went a bit mad**.

Then, not long after hitting ‘send’ I had this horrible sense of dread. The manuscript that had seemed wonderful and full of promise suddenly appeared rough and amateurish. It was as if I suddenly saw all the flaws that had been invisible a few blinks ago.

And then, doubts began to appear:

Was it actually ready to send at all?

What if it’s a load of rubbish and I’m wasting these good people’s time?

What if it’s a load of rubbish and I’ve been wasting my time?

How will I look these people in the eye again?

What have I done?

Eventually, sanity tried to assert itself. It’s just a draft. The whole point is that it needs to be improved. Relax!

And now?

Well, I’m a mix of the above. Sometimes excited, sometimes worried. Often both. The thing is I’ve spent a lot of time writing the manuscript and now it’s going ‘out there’. I admire and trust all of my Beta readers and maybe that’s part of the fear. Because I know they’ll all do a great job and I want it to be worth their attention.

Not perfect***. But worth polishing.

This year I intend to get serious and get work ready for submission. This is the first step and it scares the hell out of me.

It’s scary to want something and think there’s a chance of achieving it.

Anyway, it’s done now and in safe hands.

New projects beckon**** and I’m going to turn my attention to those.

 

 

*I ate a lot of chocolate, bounced round the house and talked a bit like an overexcited Ned Flanders.

**I shouted. I swore. I went online (doh!). Em made it all better though.

***That’s a lie. I want them all to tell me it’s perfect already (but only if that’s true).

****Three in fact, exciting times!

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